♥ Love is in the Air… ♥
Valentine’s Day is just a few weeks away and while I am all excited to share some outfit inspo + gift guides with you all, I wanted to kick things off with a little love talk + what Valentine’s Day is all about…for me at least haha :p
Now although I am in a happy, healthy + loving relationship now, love was certainly one of the most difficult things for me to find + achieve in my life (yes I said achieve…more on that later). For years I dated both in NY + LA and while I had short lived relationships here + there, absolutely nothing compares to the loving partnership I have now. What I have now is the type of relationship I wouldn’t have been ready for a few years ago, to be completely honest I wasn’t mature or smart enough yet to open my eyes to what is really important in life… yes, I was one of those gals that felt it was all about the car you drove, the outfit you wore, would we look like a power couple, would you go all over social media with me, be the Jay Z to my Beyonce and basically take over the world wearing LV + Chanel (my boyfriend would cringe if he heard this haha but he knows I have matured since we got together haha :p).
Fast forward to now…My boyfriend is so not into designer stuff although he supports my obsession (within reason), he makes practical financial decisions I never would have in the past, he thinks ahead to the future + he is not on Instagram (crazy I know considering that’s what I do everyday haha :p) A few years ago I wouldn’t have been ready for a relationship where my boyfriend tries to avoid going out to dinner + instead encourage us to save money for better experiences or things we want or I would have been bored watching On The Money or anything stock market related, or I wouldn’t have been ready to stop thinking of just myself + actually think, care + love another person.
While I am far from old + wise, I am turning 27 in a few weeks and for the first time in my life I feel stable. I know who I am, I know what I believe in and because I truly know + love who I am (for the most part) I was in turn able to truly love someone else. I realized all of the dumb ideas I had in my head from my teens to early 20s were just that…dumb. I had a checklist of everything I wanted + ‘needed’ in a partner, I was picky as sh** + I was basically all about me + just wanted a guy along for the ride – the absolutely wrong way to find + achieve love.
While I am all about being an independent, strong woman, I realized thanks to my boyfriend that life is way better when you have a partner to experience it with who you respect + want to be with everyday because you LOVE each other not because you need each other or just because you don’t want to be alone. While every woman should find a guy that loves + adores her, that doesn’t just happen without work on BOTH sides (it isn’t just ‘if you can’t accept me at my worst you don’t deserve me at my best’…great quote but unrealistic, why the hell should a guy accept you at your worst if you don’t make the effort to get to know, accept + understand them as well, I often times find the women that post that quote all over social media do so because they don’t want to make compromises of their own – more on that later).
When I was younger I had such a fear of being alone that I was trying to fit puzzle pieces together that simply wouldn’t work. I would make excuses if a guy was an a**, I made excuses for myself if it didn’t work out + it was maybe my fault, I blamed my issues on everyone else other than me + I didn’t want to actually better myself because I thought I was the sh** + that meant a guy who truly loves me would just deal with it – WRONG.
New Flash – LOVE is not just accepting every single part of a person the good, bad + the ugly without speaking up, compromising or possibly changing a little…love is truly understanding each other + becoming better people together and independently of one another. LOVE is when you feel crappy the other person is there to pick you up + help you overcome that challenge, LOVE is when you are annoying the other person, you make efforts to fix that, LOVE is doing things you may not have wanted to do but because you care deeply for the other person you compromise + do them (shout out to my BF for becoming my photographer, something he certainly was against but now has become so supportive with it), LOVE is understanding who your partner is + wanting to be together because life would be not as fun without them not because you couldn’t ever survive without them. That is why I say you find but also ‘achieve‘ love. Even if you have love at first site, in order to sustain it you have to put the effort in + that is what, I truly love about love. I enjoy putting the work in, as my boyfriend always says, you get what you give…that principle is one that should be applied to ALL aspects of your life. Think about it, at work you get a promotion or you get hired based on the effort you put in, you make more money when you bust your butt to do so, you loose weight by working out, eating right + making the effort to do so. LOVE works the same way, it doesn’t just happen, it happens because YOU make it happen.
When I see my boyfriend everyday he makes me smile without even trying, when he asks me to not do a certain thing (like mention his name on my blog or post photos of him on my social media) I respect it + him and don’t do it (trust me this was hard because all I wanted to do was show the world how in love we are but I realized other people aren’t needed to validate our love + that was my immaturity coming out), when he says he has my back, I truly believe he does + he actually does (and I have his).
In my opinion that is LOVE. That didn’t happen overnight. We have been together 2 years now + while we rarely argue, there are definitely times we don’t see eye to eye, times I freak out or over react, times I am trying to communicate + feel like I am hitting a wall BUT rather than us get frustrated we always work it out – that is a relationship + that is LOVE. LOVE is not easy, LOVE is not just finding a person you are attracted to + have things in common with, LOVE is actually being a better person with your partner + together you both put in the effort to make that LOVE grow.
I know Valentine’s Day is supposed to be all about ‘LOVE‘ but when you find love + (achieve) it, it happens everyday, you don’t necessarily need a holiday to acknowledge it (I am in no way being a sour sally + trashing Valentine’s Day haha I enjoy it but it just isn’t crucial). I think when I was single I was so harped on having a partner to celebrate Valentine’s Day with (because I saw it in my face all day in person or on social media + had major FOMO) but now that I am truly in a loving relationship, Valentines’s Day has just become a day for me to post red, pink + heart themed photos and a day that I look at my boyfriend, smile + say let’s stay in and avoid busy restaurants ♥